80 years of misbegotten wieners

So you wish you were an Oscar Meyer wiener?

Be careful what you wish for. This booklet looks promising on the cover: beer, pumpernickel, and sausage. Alas, its purpose is to celebrate 80 years of Oscar Meyer products (one recipe per year, you see), which dates it around 1963. This is close to the nadir of convenience cookery; recipes from this period have all the celebration of caloric consumption of the 50s, plus the pull of the new decade meant people were trying to be exotic and different and forward-thinking. Always a bad idea. But it explains the MO of most recipes in this book: take a perfectly good dish and defile it with the addition of wholly inappropriate Oscar Meyer products. Exhibit A:

Wiener shortcake.
Sorry, Little Wieners Shortcake; the "Little" somehow makes it even more horrible. There are several things I don't understand here:
1) Why Cream of Chicken soup? If God had meant for hot dogs to be served in sauce, He would have created Cream of Wiener soup. He did not.
2) The only non-processed foods in this recipe are milk and green onions. And the green onions didn't make it into the pictured dish.
3) The French-style green beans are an especially unlucky choice. They make the whole dish look like something the dog threw up after eating grass in the backyard.
But having had 80 years to formulate their evil plans, Oscar Meyer doesn't stop with LIttle Weiners Shortcake. Oh no.

Wiener curry.

Sorry, Smokie Orange Curry, made with those appalling Smokie Links. I would not have thought they could be made to taste worse, but now that I think about it, cornstarch, canned mandarin oranges, and curry powder would pretty much do the trick. Top it with coconut and bacon bits, and the nightmare is complete.

There's more, but I think it will have to wait until tomorrow. I'm feeling a little nauseated.

As always, click the images to increase the nausea.